Ango Natsume hit me hard.

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 Ango Natsume I feel you brother :[

Starting the month with a doozy. I present to you a mad and delusional post full of similar ideas and takes as to why Ango Natsume's character and arc from Persona 5 Strikers hit me like a damn truck and almost made me cry... Ugly cry.

Lets start with the obvious. I love writing, I want to eventually author and get a novel published, and I am deathly afraid of being so very unoriginal that I'm hopeless as a writer. With that said we can ascertain a great many things I can relate to Ango with... To an extent. For one, I can totally relate to passion for writing.

And let's go deeper with that shall we?

I always loved a bit of writing, even if I didn't realize it. I always wanted to tell a story, a narrative, and I found that writing it down was my preferred medium.  I started with comic books that I made of paper and drew with pencils. They were short, sweet, two page folded paper comics that had simple narratives. I was so eager about them I showed my friends. They liked them... I think. 

I totally feel him about feeling hopeless in writing. Now let's be real, I haven't published anything yet and I'm not even very done with my own novel. But the feeling like I'll never write anything good is fucking real. When it comes to improving, and I need to do a lot of that, I feel him there too, he had yes men around him who didn't really want to tell him what was wrong, and I myself am starved of critics... Because none of my buddies want to read my stories when I send it to them. >:(  

Trivial when compared to Ango's strife, I know, but I still feel like I'm left in the dust not knowing what I'm doing. (TO BE FAIR If it weren't for like the million guides everywhere on how to write something that isn't suicide inducing I would definitely be alone and not know what to do.)

Now this is where it gets real delusional. So I have a family member who, while not a published and recognized writer, is still miles better than I am, and is less insecure about their writing than I am. Which, uh... Kind of relates to Ango's grandfather plot thingy... I think. OH WELL, doesn't matter, I still felt a small relation when that was brought up. (Sue me.)

I'll say this. I have a fucking soft spot for the lonely boys and girls out there, and learning of Ango's loneliness in his creativity and his expression of it hits me hard. Even more when he strived so hard and so long to be recognized and to improve, only leading to him being used, and lied to, and made a fucking laughing stock. GOD, it's awful, and then he's led to the conclusion that he's worthless, can't write for shit, which leads him to accepting and becoming a monarch. And even then, he's more unhappy. (Seriously what a fucked up mess. Choose between despair and loneliness for more indefinite time, or become a hollow celebrity, who no one actually likes.)

And loneliness. I'll admit, I'm afraid of being alone. The thought makes me sad. Especially when you're in something like creative work. Because, well... No one can really get your side of it, so in a sense you are well and truly trapped in an unbreakable bubble of uncertainty with both yourself and probably, most likely your critics. And you have no escape. None.

That's not to say critics are bad, they are needed. Criticism is important, let that be known. But also, damn... Some critics are brutal and scary. (At least to me.)

It hurts me GREATLY, just... ALL OF IT, cause now, yes, he's popular and rich, but it's hollow. He understands how it is to be a fraud, to be a cheat, and he loathes himself deeply though he doesn't show it.

When Yusuke makes him realize that all along, his REAL talent, was his passion and drive, I almost cried. And when Ango realizes that he wasn't as talentless as he thought or was made to believe, and that he gave up that talent to pursue something of a personal hell that arguably hurts him even more than when he was lonely and unknown. That realization would REALLY fucking hurt.

His arc, like the other antagonists in P5S--except the politician Owada, fuck him--shows us how the cruel, bad, absolute shit, parts of life can drive people to desperate measures, which in of themselves only create even more shit parts of life. What a game, sure, it has some writing issues, (REALLY ON THE NOSE IN A LOT OF PARTS.) but it's still plenty powerful in my opinion.

For a damn conclusion, conclusion, conclusion, this probably made no sense to anyone with a functioning brain but at least it did to me. I love Ango's character arc, I related to it the most, and it hurt me the most too. -Z

P.S: I love Megaten, Persona especially.



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